Book Review : Scary Close
Scary Close is a memoir by Donald Miller about his experience of dating his now-wife. He writes honestly about how he grew as a person after he realized he had to change and face his issues with intimacy if he was ever going to develop a long-term relationship with a woman.
Throughout the book, there are flashbacks to his childhood and his young adulthood. He discusses his numerous failed relationships with women and the things he learnt in various forms of therapy. He developed some male friendships which not only taught him more about how to have a healthy relationship with women but also modelled it.
Although I came to the book from a very different set of circumstances, I found much I could relate to. This may have been because, like Don, I’m a writer and an introvert. Don shares how he went through a period of “writing careful” and how this blocked his creativity. I understand how someone with Don’s popularity would be tempted to tone down his opinions to avoid criticism. Yet, when we write to avoid criticism, we lose our distinctiveness.
Don also made some helpful comments about being an introvert who was dating an extrovert. Often introverts assume, incorrectly, that they have nothing to contribute to a conversation, particularly if it’s mostly small talk. Yet our experiences are unique and worth sharing, even if people don’t immediately respond positively. Introverts add depth to conversations.
Scary Close is well-written and easy to read.
Overall, I found it insightful and helpful, a great read.