Recently, I was encouraged to share my thoughts on prayer.
If I were to describe prayer in my life in one word it would be “messy” which is somewhat of an embarrassment since in nearly every other area of my life I am organized. I like to be organized, having a routine and a structured way of doing things. So why can’t I organize my prayer life? I think there are two reasons.
Firstly every time I manage to maintain any kind of structure, that is a list of people/situations to pray for it is not long before I start feeling like a Pharisee – proud and self-righteous – for being such a “good” Christian. This is not a good outcome! so I stop praying (at least in an organized way).
Secondly praying is scary. John Powell had this to say in his book, Happiness is an inside job, “At first none of us wants to admit it, but we are all afraid of getting too close to God. A thousand questions and doubts flood into us at the very thought of being close to God. What will God say to me? What will God ask of me? Where will God lead me? The unknown is always a little frightening. And in this case, the stakes are high. My whole life is involved …” I agree! This is why I find it difficult to sit still when I’m praying. (Maybe I think God will find it harder to ‘hit’ a moving target! as illogical as that is.)
More confessions: I like to pray as soon as I wake up but often fall back to sleep. My church has a prayer room and sometimes I would go there on the way home from work but I’d often fall asleep there too.
On the upside I pray (or just talk to God) as I go about my day and I often think about God, mostly when I’m at home. I try to maintain an attitude of “looking to God”. Sometimes I use the Lord’s prayer or Jabez’s prayer or one of Paul’s prayers (eg Colossians 1:9-12) as a sort of framework. I’ve also determined not to feel guilty about my disorganized prayer life as I don’t think this is what God would want and guilt only makes me pray less not more.
Susan – I’ve been there, re: feeling like a pharisee if I pray “too well”. I love what you say about prayer being scary. What will God ask of me is probably the scariest question of all. Also it is important not to feel guilty about ones prayer life. I have often succumbed to that making me not want to pray. Thanks for posting on this. I like what you wrote.
I agree with what you wrote about prayer being scary, maybe we are too scared of getting close to God. I guess that is a blog post in itself.
thank you susan! the stakes are high, I agree. I’m an organized person who prays messily too. i can fully relate to what you wrote.
Susan, thank you. I’m terribly disorganised fullstop. Maybe prayer that is over organised is just not helpful – i wouldn’t know never having managed that 🙂 what do you think?
i get sleepy when i pray too. which is why i began praying standing up a few years ago. but these days, i pray with paint brushed and blue tape in my hands.
thanks for posting………
Paul I’m thinking that prayer that is over organised is just not helpful. Probably because it is about a relationship and not about sticking to a formula.
I used to use prayer lists … in fact, there was something like praying for family on Mondays, friends on Tuesdays, etc. I always felt like a failure … like I had let people down if I hadn’t prayed for them that day. I was racked with guilt if I forgot something but also knew that I didn’t have time to pray for everyone. My word, just praying for my children can take a LONG time (there are nine of them). Now that I am just following the spirit and praying throughout the day, prayer isn’t a burden anymore. Reminds me of Matthew 11 … Jesus said that His burden is light. Oh yes.!
Thanks to everyone who dropped by here.
I’m an organized person too.
So, I can relate.
Prayer like conversation can be messy and unscripted.
I’m really trying to live that out.
Thanks so much for sharing!