Curently I have two chldren who are engaged so a number of pre-marriage books have come across my path. Interestingly I don’t remember any of these sort of books being around when I got married. I’m sure I would have read them if there were. I have found it slightly odd reading books about marriage by people who haven’t been married as long as I have! Still you are never too old to learn something new.

The first part of: I love you, but why are we so different? by Tim LaHaye (Harvest House, 1991) is about the different temperaments – their strengths and weaknesses. Not just the four basic temperaments (sanguine, melancholy, choleric and phlegmatic) but also the temperament blends, since people usually have a primary temperament and a secondary one. LaHaye looks at how differing temperaments can cause problems in marriage. He believes people usually marry someone with the opposite temperament because we are attracted to strengths in areas where we are weak.

The second part of the book is about making adjustments when you marry. The adjustments that need to be made are similar irrespective of ones temperament and I wondered why LaHaye spent so long explaining the temperaments if this is the case. However I think it is because having a good understanding your partner is helpful anyway.

LaHaye feels selfishness is the main problem we all have since in a marriage both people cannot have their own way. The second major problem is that most people are either plagued by anger or fear or both. These are issues that also need to be dealt with in a successful marriage.

Quite a helpful book with useful insights.

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