Lysa Terkeurst writes, Good boundaries and goodbyes, in the aftermath of divorcing her husband due to his unfaithfulness and addictions. However, Terkeurst widens her focus by including any relationship that is potentially unhealthy. Often, it’s unclear whether Terkeurst is writing about her relationship with her husband or someone else. Perhaps she does this in part to somewhat protect her husband’s privacy.
One of the most beneficial lessons Terkeurst learnt is that if someone isn’t responsible with the amount of personal and emotional access we give them into our lives, then it’s up to us to restrict their access. Terkeurst points out that this is what God does. In Genesis, following the fall, God restricted Adam and Eve’s access to himself by making them leave the Garden. Later in Exodus, we see God progressively restricting the Israelites’ access to his presence as their behaviour deteriorates. (Ultimately, Ezekiel sees God’s presence leave the temple in Ezekiel 10:18).
One of the difficulties Terkeurst had in leaving her marriage, even though the relationship had become destructive, was that as a Christian, she felt committed to her marriage. She came to see that her marriage was damaging to her health and that she was playing a co-dependent role, which wasn’t helping her husband address his problems. Terkeurst discusses some of the common Bible passages that are often wrongly interpreted to coerce women to stay in abusive relationships.
The book includes comments from Terkeurst’s therapist, Jim Cress. He describes common terms and situations from his perspective, which reinforces what Terkeurst has found in her experience.
Good boundaries and goodbyes is a difficult read. Much of the book is written in a memoir style, and Terkeurst goes into much detail about her emotional reactions to her very difficult situation. I hope her honesty and vulnerability are helpful to others in similar circumstances.
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